


I And Love And You (The Odd Couple Remix)

by elementalv



Category: due South
Genre: M/M, Remix, mild Dom/Sub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-27
Updated: 2011-04-27
Packaged: 2017-10-18 17:25:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/191382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elementalv/pseuds/elementalv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray was waiting for Kowalski to get his head out of his ass. In the meantime, though, sex made the wait a hell of a lot easier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I And Love And You (The Odd Couple Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spuffyduds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spuffyduds/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Waiting](https://archiveofourown.org/works/175200) by [spuffyduds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spuffyduds/pseuds/spuffyduds). 



Ray was not a man of simple tastes. He never had been, never would be. Some people, his family included, looked at a pile of pasta and thought, “Huh. Marinara sauce would go good on that. A little bit of parmesan, and it’s good to go.” Ray looked at a pile of pasta and thought, “Huh. I bet I could do something with mascarpone and salmon. Capers and sun-dried tomatoes would be good, too. Maybe garnish it with fried zucchini blossoms.”

His futzing around with tried and true recipes continued to drive Ma and the rest of the family nuts, which was not to say Ma did a bad job in the kitchen. She was a fantastic cook, and her calamari could reduce a grown man to tears of joy. As good as she still was, though, she never did much of anything with her recipes. She might swap out an herb or a spice if she was low on an ingredient, but that was as far as it went, and she never strayed too far from what she was replacing.

“It’s a good dish, Raimundo,” she always said. “Why should I change it when everyone already likes it the way it is?”

He usually sighed at that point and took over the kitchen to show her exactly why she should change it. Despite the grumbling, when it came time to eat, none of them ever refused what he put in front of them. In fact, there were never any leftovers when Ray cooked, because say what he wanted (and it was a lot), his family knew good food when they saw it, even if it wasn’t what they thought they wanted. It all went to prove a point: that people who liked the tried and true just didn’t know what they were missing.

Kowalski was another perfect example of that kind of idiot thinking. When they started with each other, he couldn’t tell the difference between shallots and onions, even _with_ a two-year history of eating Ma’s cooking. Worse still, Kowalski had an unreasoning fear of fresh produce. The first time Ray took him to the farmer’s market, he thought Kowalski was having a heart attack right there in the street. One trip to the emergency room later, and it turned out that Kowalski was having a panic attack. Over uncooked vegetables.

It was ridiculous, Ray knew, to have to introduce Kowalski and his colon to the joys of naturally occurring fiber, but he figured if they were ever going to have a chance with each other, Kowalski would have to pull up his big boy pants and start eating real food, the kind that didn’t arrive precooked in a cardboard container. Three years later, Kowalski was up to washing vegetables and could even cut them up, under close supervision. While he still had days when all he wanted was a slice of meatloaf (Ray liked Mrs. Kowalski a lot, but he wasn’t sure he would ever forgive her for introducing Kowalski to meatloaf during his formative years), he had twice as many days when he wanted something more interesting, something with flavor and style, and Ray was just the man to take care of that.

Ray thought about Kowalski’s taste in food while Kowalski blew him. Sure, some people might think that was kind of rude, and maybe it was. On the other hand, Ray knew exactly what blowing him did for Kowalski, and he wanted to drag it out as long as he could, because he had plans for Kowalski. Those plans involved making Kowalski pay attention to exactly what was going on with his dick, because otherwise, he tended to come then ask where the remote was so he could catch the last period of a Hawks game. Ray figured out early on that Kowalski’s preferences in food — fast, basic and unrecognizable as nutrition — kind of carried over into his preferences for sex — fast, basic and unrecognizable as pleasure.

It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate Kowalski’s talents, because he did, but Ray knew that if Kowalski gave it half a chance, he would learn to appreciate the joy of a long, slow build-up before coming. When Ray tried to talk to Kowalski about it, to convince him that taking his time would be a hell of a lot better for the both of them, Kowalski shrugged and said, “We both came. What’s the big deal?”

The big deal was that from the few things Stella let slip, Kowalski wasn’t nearly as quick on the draw with her as he was with Ray. That meant that either Ray was incredible in the sack — a sex god among men —and Kowalski couldn’t spare the time for good manners, or that Kowalski still thought two men couldn’t make love, that they could only get off with each other. As much as Ray wanted to believe he was so fantastic Kowalski couldn’t help himself, he figured the real problem was that Kowalski had some wrong ideas when it came to guys, which wasn’t a surprise, considering the neighborhood where he was raised.

The upshot was that Ray needed to teach Kowalski how to slow down some, and it was time for another lesson. That was why he was lying on the bed thinking about Kowalski’s fear of food instead of enjoying the moist heat and perfect suction of Kowalski’s mouth, the way he wanted to. And really, as annoying as Kowalski’s need for speed was, he knew what he was doing when it came to sucking Ray off, and he didn’t stint, either. He paid almost as much attention to Ray’s balls as his dick, and _fuck!_ Kowalski worked a well-lubed finger up Ray’s ass and crooked it just the right way to make him come like nobody’s business.

 _Goddamn, he’s got a mouth on him,_ Ray thought while he tried to catch his breath. He couldn’t say shit like that in front of Kowalski, because he was sure that if he did, Kowalski would take it the wrong way and start assuming he didn’t have anything to learn from Ray. So as Kowalski moved up the bed and flopped down next to Ray, he kept his praise to himself and thought that Kowalski would learn how to stretch things out even if it meant they both died from blue balls.

He rolled onto his side and pushed himself up on one elbow and smiled at Kowalski, savoring the exact moment when Kowalski realized just what was in store for him. Ray dipped his head down and dropped gentle, loving kisses on Kowalski’s shoulder, and he breathed in Kowalski’s clean scent, enjoying the way it went straight to his gut and made him feel like he was some kind of king. Kowalski flinched away — which again wasn’t a surprise, since the asshole seemed to think guys shouldn’t be tender with each other — and told Ray to cut it out.

“Really? I’m hurt,” Ray said with a smile. It really didn’t matter what Kowalski had to say on the subject, because Ray was on to him and had been for a while. A guy like Kowalski couldn’t get enough tenderness, and really, he turned into even more of an asshole than he already was if he didn’t get enough cuddling to make up for a shitty day. And if Ray was a little smug about being the one to make Kowalski a little more human, who could blame him? He glanced down and saw Kowalski’s dick trying like hell to breakthrough the boxers holding it in, and he just barely touched it. “That doesn’t look like a ‘cut it out’ to me.”

Kowalski and his dick had zero shame, as evidenced by the way Kowalski groaned and spread his legs. By that time, it was pretty clear that Kowalski had given up any pretense of having control over his own dick, so it was only natural for Ray to call him a slut. And he was, much to Ray’s everlasting delight.

Ray wasn’t sure why that particular word pushed Kowalski’s buttons, but it did, it always did, and then Kowalski would get stupid. He would try to force something to happen before Ray was ready for it to happen, and right on time, Kowalski tried to shove Ray’s face down so he could fuck it good and hard. Under other circumstances, Ray would be happy to oblige, but Ray had a plan for the night, and Kowalski, lust-stupid and ready to come five minutes ago, had apparently forgotten that Ray didn’t like having to make new plans on the fly.

He rolled off and grabbed Kowalski’s wrists, and Christ, he loved the way Kowalski sort of melted whenever Ray took charge like that. Ray had never been with anyone who could just let go without even thinking about it, and he took it for the gift it was, even as he did a reality check with Kowalski to make sure the idiot remembered that Ray was driving that night.

Kowalski got his shit together enough to get out of his boxers, and Ray watched, happy that he wasn’t trying to do something even more stupid like accidentally-on-purpose getting himself of with a stray touch of his dick. Instead, Kowalski very carefully pulled his boxers off, leaving his dick alone. The fucker posed a little before getting back on the bed, and then he had to go and get self-conscious when Ray took the time to appreciate the sight before him.

One of these days, Ray would have to teach him that it was okay to look, that looking could add all new kinds of fun to an evening in bed, but that was a lesson for another time. He wanted to wait for a summer day, when the sun was guaranteed to flood their apartment with sunlight and he could get Kowalski naked and standing in the middle of the room. God only knew why, but Kowalski was body shy anywhere but the bedroom, and it wasn’t something Ray could quite figure out, since Kowalski’s body was enough to make a corpse sit up and take notice. Whatever. He’d make Kowalski stand there, in the middle of all that sunshine, naked as the day he was born, and Ray would talk dirty to him. He’d tell Kowalski all the filthy things he planned to do to him after the sun went down, and he’d get Kowalski hard just from that. As for Kowalski, he’d go along, because he was never happier than when Ray was telling him what to do and how to do it.

On the other hand, happy as Kowalski was, he still tended to mouth off a lot even as he was doing what he was supposed to and already knew Ray would be going down on him sooner or later. Well. Maybe. It depended on just how much Kowalski mouthed off about the wait. Ray suspected the mouthiness was Kowalski’s way of making sure Ray was still paying attention, which was pretty goddamn stupid. He should’ve known by then that Ray _always_ paid attention to everything he did. Ray pinched Kowalski’s nipple with just enough pressure to remind him of that little fact, and if it sent a zing straight to Kowalski’s dick, then so much the better.

“That tone is not gonna work, Kowalski,” Ray said, still smiling. Kowalski always seemed to find Ray’s smile threatening, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth, which was that Ray’s smile meant he was happy with Kowalski. Of course, “happy” wasn’t exactly a precise word, and it could mean any number of things, including the fact that he was happy to make Kowalski go on waiting for as long as Ray wanted.

Kowalski tried again, this time with a little more begging, which Ray loved like crazy. “Tell me what tone you want. Any tone you want, you got it. I’ll fucking _sing_ if you want me to. Just, fuck, please, touch me, do something, get me off, your hand, your mouth, or let me do it, I know you like to watch, come on, Jesus, please, _anything_.”

“That’s better,” Ray told him. “Not quite there yet, though.”

Ray only just barely kept from telling Kowalski he was a good boy. Some nights, Kowalski liked it, but those nights were still few and far between. Ray had hope, though, that eventually, Kowalski would get off on being told he was a good boy as much as Ray got off on telling him so. In the meantime, they were where they were, and it wasn’t changing fast.

Still, it wasn’t like he was suffering from a lack, not with Kowalski laid out in front of him like a feast fit for a king. Ray ran his hand along Kowalski’s belly, which was starting to get a little round with age, and he dipped his head down to talk directly into Kowalski’s ear.

“I don’t think you’re desperate for it yet, Kowalski. I don’t think you need my mouth on your cock yet, not really. I want to do that, I want to suck you so nice, but not until you really need it.” Kowalski _quivered_ when Ray pulled that stunt, and he did it every single time. It really was like Ray’s voice had a direct link to Kowalski’s dick, because right on time, he started leaking like nobody’s business.

“Oh Jesus, _please_ ,” Kowalski said in a hoarse whisper, like his mouth had completely dried up.

“Mmm, yeah,” Ray said. “That’s it.”

He made his way down Kowalski’s body as slow as he could, because making Kowalski wait was almost enough to perk up his dick to full mast, even though he’d only just come. And God, the smell coming off Kowalski’s skin hit the back of Ray’s throat like some of the best wine he’d ever tasted. Once he got to Kowalski’s dick, it was pretty much game over, because even Ray couldn’t hold back from swallowing him down as soon as he could.

Kowalski, predictably, tried to shove his dick in even farther, but that was good. It gave Ray an excuse to hold him down as hard as he could while he got caught up in the taste and feel of Kowalski’s dick on his tongue. Ray didn’t have long to enjoy it, though, because also predictably, Kowalski didn’t last that long. On the other hand, he was getting better and managing at least a little control, so Ray counted it as a win.

Ray went back up the bed and briefly considered going through the song and dance they always seemed to go through after having sex, which was figuring out if Kowalski was willing to let Ray stay for the night. The problem was that Ray was getting sick of that nonsense and thought it was stupid that Kowalski still had it in the back of his mind that they were doing some kind of extended hook-up. Maybe some day, Ray would point out that no, they were in a real, live relationship, just like the kind men and women have, but at that moment, he was too tired to make the effort.

Instead, he shoved at Kowalski’s shoulder and said, “Scoot the hell over,” before spooning him. As he drifted off, he muttered, “Bedhog,” and thought there were worst ways to kill a Tuesday night.


End file.
